


Crystal Ball

by mcrevenge



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Divorce, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, affair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-02
Updated: 2012-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-30 12:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcrevenge/pseuds/mcrevenge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard never imagined to be one of those closet-cases.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crystal Ball

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betaed but spellchecked, sorry for any errors!

Gerard never imagined he would be one of those hopeless closet cases, one of those guys who denied their sexuality, based their life on a lie and got a beautiful wife and kids. He had no reason not to come out; his family had always been accepting and encouraged him to be nobody but himself. Yet, there he was, thirty-four years old, married to a gorgeous woman and father to a four year old girl. 

He always planned to come out after high school, after he was done with all those jackasses that picked on him for being a little on the heavy side and his lack of personal hygiene. They really didn't need to know that he loved cock too, at least not back in the early 90s, when being gay was almost worse than worshipping the devil. He really was gonna come out when he got to art school, the most liberal place in the United States in Gerard's opinion, but then he met Lindsey.

She was smart, funny, pretty and into the exact same things as Gerard, and Gerard loved her. He saw her as an opportunity to go through college without having to out himself, and wait just a little longer, just in case. He had gone through years of bullying and if he could have four years without having people give him dirty looks and yell nasty comments, then it was worth the lying. But when he stood there with his degree, his mother snapping pictures of him and Lindsey he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He loved Lindsey with all his heart, and after four years he just didn't want to disappoint her. 

When Gerard turned twenty-five he and Lindsey got married and moved to a quiet, nice part of Belleville. Truth to be told, Gerard didn't really mind. He had a decent job, his own studio at home and he was married to his best friend, and he had gotten pretty good at ignoring the fact that his wife was lacking a dick. It was an added bonus to his already sweet life when they made friends with the couple next door, Frank and Jamia Iero. Frank was basically the male version of Lindsey, except he was good at guitar and not art and Gerard fell for him instantly. They would all go to gigs together, do double dates and all that stuff and when their wives went out shopping, Gerard and Frank would watch horror movies. But then one night, when Frank and Jamia had their annual Christmas party, Frank cornered Gerard in the bathroom and kissed him. Turned out Frank was one of those hopeless closet cases, too, thanks to a very strict Catholic upbringing. 

Confirming their mutual attraction, and admitting their true sexuality to one another, Gerard and Frank engaged in an affair. An affair that went unnoticed for nearly eight years. They lived their double life happily, on one side Gerard was a committing and supportive husband, who at thirty also became a dad for the first time, and on the other side, Gerard was a lover.

*

_im on babysitting duty, w/ about u? j working late shift tonite, wont be home bfore 10. u wanna come over?_

Gerard sucked on his bottom lip, it had been a while since he and Frank had gotten together. "Hey babe," he said, turning to Lindsey. "Jamia's working late and Frank was wondering if I wanted to come over and watch a movie, do you mind?" 

"Knock yourself out. Would you please just put Olivia to bed first? You know she throws a fit when you don't," she said, rolling her eyes and smiling. 

"I'm on it," Gerard said, getting up from the couch and ushering Olivia to kiss her mommy goodnight. While Olivia wrapped her tiny arms around Lindsey, hugging and kissing her Gerard wrote Frank a quick reply.

_gonna put the kiddo to bed first, be over in 30._

"Come on, sweetheart," he said, picking up Olivia and walking into the bathroom on the second floor, brushing her teeth and combing her hair before putting on her ridiculously yellow pajamas. "I love you," he said when he tucked her into bed. "Love you too, daddy. Kiss," she said, poking her own mouth. He smiled, leaned down and pecked her lips. "Sweet dreams." She half-heartedly demanded a bedtime story, but before Gerard even had the chance to disappoint her, she was halfway into dreamland. 

"She's sleeping like a baby," Gerard said when he got back downstairs. "So I'll be off, I'll see you later."

"Alright," Lindsey answered, glancing up at him from a book. "Hey, one more thing. Do you know when Jamia gets home? I have something of hers which I've been planning on returning for a while now, I keep forgetting it."

"Uh, ten, I think? You want me to bring it for you?"

"Nah, I can come over when she gets home. She's been busy lately so I would love to catch up with her over a cup of coffee. You guys enjoy your boys night in," she said, smiling.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." Gerard leaned down and pecked her lips softly, then quickly put his shoes on, not getting to the house across the street fast enough. Gerard had to restrain himself from running over there, because it had been that long since he had really been with Frank. He walked straight inside, slipping off his shoes before finding his way into the living room, Frank sitting there cross-legged watching some shitty reality-TV. "Hey," he said, stirring Frank from his TV coma. "Thomas asleep?"

"He's dead to the world." Frank grinned, and waved him over, "come here, fuck. I've missed you." And so Gerard did, and was met by wet lips and frantic, tattooed hands. "I've missed you too," Gerard said helplessly between kisses, tugging gently on Frank's hair. 

They fucked there on the couch, Frank shoving all of his manliness into Gerard from behind, while having one hand in his hair so he could kiss him while doing so, the other hand wrapped tightly around Gerard's dick. 

"I love you," Gerard said while he watched Frank get dressed. Frank handed him his t-shirt, and declared his love right back at Gerard's cotton-clad face. Then Frank put a movie on just so it would look like they actually had watched a movie, before climbing back onto the couch with Gerard, kissing him a little sloppy but he put his whole heart into it. Frank's hands found Gerard's ass and Gerard tangled his fingers into Frank's hair and they just lay there on the couch kissing and touching and didn't hear the door open. 

"Hi, guys, I was bo-" said a too familiar voice, and Frank turned his head so fast Gerard almost thought his neck snapped and he was gonna ask if he was okay, but then he looked up and he almost shit his pants. Lindsey stood there, and he could almost feel the crystal ball he had lived in for nearly sixteen years shatter into tiny pieces. She had a horrified look on her face, and she was out as quickly as she had gotten there. 

When Gerard realized what just happened he got trouble breathing and nearly hyperventilated, thinking of how selfish he had been, not really having ever thought twice about what would happen if they got caught; not ever taking neither Lindsey or his baby girl into consideration, how hurt they would be if they found out their husband and father had been having a secret relationship with another man. They were both innocent, as were Jamia and Thomas and Gerard and Frank had only been thinking of themselves in all of this. 

"Gerard, hey. G, baby, _breathe_ ," Frank said, looking at him worryingly. "I can't tell you what to do, but either you'll have to make up some lie, and hope for the best or we'll have to come clean, tell them what's up. I don't want to lie anymore, I want to hold your hand and share a bed with you. And I think that while both Jamia and Lindsey will be mad, I think they're both really understanding and smart."

Gerard on the other hand, wasn't so sure. Sure, Lindsey was understanding, and smart, but Gerard had also been lying to her for sixteen years, and cheated on her the last eight. All while Lindsey had been loving him unconditionally, carrying and raising his child. When he went home, she'd be angry and upset, and she had every right to be. 

His pants buzzed, jolting him off his train of thoughts and he nearly got a heart attack.

_come home. we need to talk._

Gerard tried to write something back, but what was he gonna say? _i cheated on u for the last 8 yrs w/ our neighbor. so yeah we need to talk. oh btw i am gay._

"She wants me to come home. I don't know if I can look at her right now, and she needs to calm down. Maybe I'll check in at a motel or something." 

"Babe, you can just stay here. Sleep in the guest room."

"And tell Jamia what? I realize she'll have to know, but I don't want to be here when you tell her. Thanks for the offer, I really appreciate it but I think I'll just crash at Mikey's." 

Frank nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's better. You want me to drive you?"

"Can I just borrow your car? I'll have it back by tomorrow morning." Gerard stood up, his legs were like jelly and he wanted to sit down again. Frank dug into his pants and held out his keys without saying anything, and as his hand reached out to take them his phone buzzed again. He motioned for Frank to wait as he unlocked his phone and read.

_gerard, what is going on? come home right now._

"Huh," he said out loud as he shut his phone off, he didn't have the courage to reply and he didn't want to see anymore of her messages. "She only calls me by name when she's mad." Frank smiled sympathetically at him and handed him his keys.

"Drive safe, okay? And don't do anything stupid, cause I know all about your old alcohol problems and suicidal thoughts. I love you."

"I will. And I won't. And I love you too," he murmured as Frank reached out to stroke his hip, their eyes locking for a couple of seconds before Gerard pecked Frank's cheek - because that was all he could master at the moment - then Gerard went to Frank's car. 

Luckily Frank's car was parked in the garage so he didn't have to sneak out. Lindsey was probably staring out the window, waiting for him. She'd probably see the car leave, but hopefully she wouldn't see who was leaving and if she did, Gerard knew how to push the gas pedal and he'd be gone before she'd have the time to catch him. He was sad and pathetic by running away, but he didn't want them to yell at each other and wake Olivia and Lindsey needed to calm down. 

He sped down the street so quick he didn't get a chance to see if Lindsey was looking for him or not. The usual fifteen minute drive to Mikey took eight and he was lucky he didn't receive a fine. He parked the car, and saw light in Mikey's apartment and hoped Alicia wasn't there, not that he didn't like Mikey's girlfriend but this really wasn't time for chit-chat. 

His feet took him quickly to the third floor, his hand shaking as he knocked on Mikey's door. Mikey looked at him with surprise, eyebrows raised in confusion. "G, hi. Why didn't you use the key I gave you and what are you doing here so late? Are you alright?"

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah, why?" Mikey answered, stepping aside, letting Gerard inside. Gerard waited until Mikey had closed and locked the door, then everything just blurted out.

"I've cheated on Lindsey for the last eight years, with Frank and I'm gay. And Lindsey caught us, so I was wondering if I could sleep here tonight."

Mikey didn't look surprised, but then again Mikey probably knew him better than both Frank and Lindsey, and besides Mikey had hinted to Gerard being gay a few times when they were teenagers but hadn't gotten Gerard to admit it. "Of course you can sleep here, G. Alicia's not coming over tonight, you can share my bed if you want." 

Gerard just went for Mikey's bedroom, stripped down to his t-shirt and briefs and crawled into his bed while Mikey went off to turn off the TV and lights before he joined him. "I knew something was going on between you and Iero," Mikey said quietly as he wrapped his arm around Gerard for comfort and then two hours later when Gerard finally had fallen asleep, Mikey grabbed his phone and wrote Lindsey a text.

_g's sleeping @ my place. get some sleep i'll send him home tomorrow so u can talk._

When Gerard drove home next morning, after some shitty breakfast Mikey fixed him, the usual fifteen minute drive took thirty because Gerard took all the detours he knew, trying to push off the talk he knew was coming. He parked the car in Frank's garage in time so Frank would be on time for work, and although he could run into Jamia - which he didn't want to, because Frank had definitely told her by now, he wasn't the coward Gerard was - he stayed there for a little while. He turned on his phone and there were missed calls and messages, three from Lindsey and two from Frank and he read them even if he didn't want to.

_u better be home soon._

_GERARD!!!!_

_pick up ur damn phone!!_

_jamia just got home. here it goes, heh. love u._

_well im sleeping alone tonite. guess u shut off ur phone. hope ur feeling better. call me tmrrw. love you. xx_

He put Frank's car keys behind the front wheel and wrote him a text.

_keys behind front wheel. hope things r good despite circumstances. will call u asap. love u, xoxo g._

Then, Gerard realized, it was time to grow a pair and face his wife, or more like soon to be ex-wife. The door handle felt harder to twist around than it really was, the door heavier than usual. The steps he took across the streets where slow and heavy. When he saw that her car was gone, he blew out a sigh of relief; Lindsey was taking Olivia to kindergarten. 

He almost expected his suitcase to be packed with all his stuff, but the place looked just like it had when he had left the day before. Dirty casseroles still on the oven, Olivia's stuff all over the floor. Gerard sat down on the couch and just waited, there was nothing else to do. The quietness that he would usually have enjoyed nearly drove him mad, as cliché as it sounded, it was the deep breath before the plunge. He checked his watch, and Lindsey would be home any minute now unless she, like Gerard, took a lot of detours. 

She didn't, though, and five minutes later she came home and didn't realize Gerard was back until she saw him sitting on the couch. It wasn't often, but right now she looked like shit and she probably didn't get much or any sleep at all. Gerard didn't dare look at her for much more than a couple of seconds, but he could feel her strip him naked with her eyes, waiting for him to say something. When five minutes passed and he still didn't say anything because he was a big fat wimp, Lindsey took a deep breath and broke the silence. 

"Gerard, what is going on?" she asked, her voice shaking, but Gerard just couldn't say anything, it hurt too much and that was really stupid, because he was the one causing the worst pain and Lindsey still talked to him. "I have been up all night thinking of what that was, and I quickly realized that if it was some sort of thing you two just wanted to test out you wouldn't have been so into it, you wouldn't have had that guilty look on your face, and you would have come home straight away to tell me I had nothing to worry about, but you didn't. You didn't answer my messages or calls, you refused to come home and now… I don't. Is it because I don't have that much of a sex appetite after we had Olivia? You and Frank don't get laid often enough and you can't jerk off to porn like normal people, so you go and enjoy each other instead? Is that is? Or are you sick of me? Did you want to experiment with guys? Did you… Gerard talk to me dammit!" she yelled, then she slammed her hand against the wall and Gerard started to cry. "Does our marriage mean anything to you? Is your family just a joke to you? I thought we had a good marriage, a good life! Jesus, Gerard! What about _Oli-_ "

"I'm _gay_ , okay. I'm _gay_." He looked at her, expecting a fist in the face but she just looked at him with the blankest expression he had ever seen. "I'm gay. I've always been gay. And our marriage is not a joke, I love you and I love Olivia, and I love our family. But I am gay, I've always been gay and I never minded your lack of sex appetite. Never doubt that I love you, because I do. I am sorry that my own denial had to end up hurting you, it was never my intention to hurt you or Olivia. I… truth is Frank and I never experimented, we never had sex to get release. I love him."

He looked at her, and he could see she had had some kind of hope that it was just an experiment or just something they had done out of sexual frustration, because she could have accepted that at one point and moved on, but as those three last words rolled off his tongue she knew all hope for them to go back to normal was lost. She frowned and tears started to roll down her cheeks, the truth hard to admit. "I need some time. I just. I need to be alone a little." Gerard just nodded, not proud of all the damage and hurt he had caused. "You better be here when I come back down." 

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her. He wasn't. His legs wouldn't budge anyway. He didn't watch her leave, but he could hear her heavy footsteps up the stairs and into the bedroom, the door closing quietly behind her. 

Gerard wanted to call Frank, hear his voice and let him calm him down. But Lindsey would hear him talk, and he didn't want to risk her getting madder. Besides, Frank was probably still at work and busy, and having his own family to think of. He grabbed his phone anyway, and wrote him a text.

_came out. wish i had done it sooner. hope u & jamia are working things out. still working things out @ home. write me back when u got the time. be safe, love u. _

Gerard could hear the soft shuffling of feet upstairs, back and forth, soft creaking whenever Lindsey passed that spot right before she got to the wardrobe. He silently prayed she wasn't packing his stuff and forcing him to move out. 

The worst thing that could happen was that Lindsey took Olivia away from him and moved. Luckily, she probably wouldn't do that, because Lindsey thought Gerard was a great dad, and Olivia adored her daddy more than anything else. And even if Lindsey hated him down to the last drop of blood in his body after all that he had done, she would never do anything that would hurt their daughter, and that was a soothing thought. The best he could hope for, was that they stayed friends and that he got to have Olivia every other weekend. Because obviously, this was the end of their marriage and one of them would soon be moving out. There was no doubt about that. 

After an hour his phone gave a silent beep and the door to their bedroom opened, and Gerard debated for a split second whether he should read the text or not. But Lindsey was already coming down the stairs so he pocketed his phone and waited for his judgement. 

Lindsey's eyes were red, she'd been crying and Gerard wanted to hug her. Instead his hands curled into balls, his nails nearly digging into his palm. She sat down in front of him and Gerard wanted to puke. "I don't even know where to start. Just… I guess… I guess that I understand you, somehow. Don't get me wrong, I feel betrayed and I'm upset that you would do this to me, but most of all I feel sorry for you, and it makes me sad to know you've been lying to yourself all these years. I know you love me, and that you never intended to hurt me, but you did. Despite all this, I've had sixteen years with you that I would never trade for anything, and we have a beautiful daughter together… so…" She took a deep breath, and almost smiled a little. "I guess we need to file a divorce and settle on who gets the house and all that stuff I thought I never had to go through."

Gerard didn't know what to say. This was all that he had hoped for and more. He settled on "I don't know what I did to deserve you, babe."

Lindsey just swallowed and moved over to sit down beside him, her hands coming around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug, and Gerard hugged her right back. "I'll miss you," she whispered, and then she cried.

*

Everything went in a blur after that. Both Gerard and Lindsey, and Frank and Jamia filed for divorce soon after, and within a month Gerard and Frank had moved out and found a decent apartment together two blocks away. That way Gerard could still pick Olivia up from kindergarten and Frank could still easily take Thomas to play after daycare. They had Olivia and Thomas every second weekend, all six of them did something together every Wednesday, and Gerard had Frank.

It was his weekend to have Olivia and Frank was sleeping peacefully on the couch when their doorbell rang. Gerard ran a quick hand through Frank's hair and went to open the door, a smile making an appearance on his face when he opened the door and saw Lindsey and Olivia. His daughter jumped at his feet and she hugged him tightly when he picked her up. "Hey gorgeous," he said into the dark, soft hair. "I've missed you."

"Missed you too, daddy," Olivia replied, smiling. 

"I'll drop her off on Sunday," Gerard told Lindsey while Olivia started to braid his hair. He really needed to get it cut, but then again, Olivia loved to play hairdresser with his hair. Maybe he'd let her cut it.

Lindsey reached out to tuck Olivia's hair behind her ear then said, "make it Monday. She's really missed you lately."

"Yay! Thank you mommy!" the kid grinned, nuzzling Gerard's cheek. 

"Yeah? That'll be awesome. Thank you," Gerard said, truly thankful to get to spend an extra day with his daughter. 

Lindsey looked away and Gerard followed her eyes to Frank on the couch, still sleeping like a baby. When their eyes met again, she smiled and it made it feel like the last piece of crystal was glued back on his bright crystal ball.


End file.
